Life as i know it: Facing It vs. Being Busy

A question ha

s been haunting me for quite sometime now. So I have decided to blog about it and share it with you.

Suppose, someone is going through a really hard time and he can do nothing to change the fact which is causing him the pain. For example; a bad break up or the death of a loved one; you can not do anything to change this yet you can not accept this fact. In that case what’s the best way (apart from blogging) to snap out of that depressive mode and start enjoying (at least living) a normal life.

Should they keep themselves super busy so that they don’t have to think about that incident and let the painful memory fade away in the course of time?

Or should they try to face their miseries and think logically about what happened and what caused what?

I posed this question at a discussion board in Blog Catalog. The following segment is based on my understanding from that discussion.

What would happen if they keep themselves busy?
Being busy might be an effective choice at first. It will redirect our focus to something less agonizing. But the fact of the matter is that one can not be busy all the time. By being busy you are technically ignoring the fact that something is wrong with you or your life. And this can have serious effects afterwards if you continue like this.

What would happen if they face it?
Facing the danger or problems boldly helps a lot to let the pain go away. There’s no alternative to “facing it” if you want to start a normal life again. But in the “shock period” one can not allow himself the opportunity to sit and think logically and clear the mind. So, by being busy at first might buy him that time to come out of that shock period and give him courage to “face it”.

I guess that’s the answer to my question (still a bit confused though). Please share your views on this issue and help me to come to a decision.

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11 comments:

deniseJune 3, 2009 at 10:25 AM
When I lost my mom 2 years ago, I remember reading somewhere "To get over grief, you have to go through it." I believe in this and it's how I was able to heal. I allowed myself to "wallow", if you will, in my grief. By doing this, and not shying away from things that hurt, I think I grieved as healthily as I could. Thank you for the provacative question. I've only just begun blogging and I enjoyed your comment about the benefits doing it. Thanks!
S.A.L.June 3, 2009 at 3:41 PM
Keeping yourself super busy and trying to forget about the misery is nothing but running away from the reality. It might SEEM healing for the time being, but in the long run, it won't work. The problem is, if you try to find a solution to your problem BADLY, you'll dive more into it, and you may even get out of focus sometimes, which will dig you deeper into pain. It's better to try to distract yourself for a change, and keep the belief in heart that something miraculous would help you fight the pain. Another most important thing is accepting the fact. For instance, suppose your girlfriend left you/ditched you, just try to accept the fact, don't let your EGO make you feel more like, "I wish it is a bad dream, this can't happen to ME, not ME!". I know it's tough for the person who is suffering, but try to see the silver lining, just think this way, "a diseased portion of your life is gone, you're no more indisposed". Don't try to PUSH yourself to feel good, HELP yourself. Don't try to WIN the battle, may be there is NO battle, just try to find SERENITY.

Well, my philosophy may not work for the case if someone is deceased, but a modified outlook may help.
irtizaJune 3, 2009 at 6:03 PM
@Jeriden, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I know what you've been through as i also lost my father 7 years ago. But i'm very happy to hear that you've got over it.

Who said you are not a blogger. left a comment for you in your blog.

@MW, i agree that keeping yourself busy might be running away for reality. but i guess it can help for the time being. and yes, now i can understand that there's no alternative to facing it.

love and peace to you both.
~irtiza104~
lakshmiJune 4, 2009 at 9:07 PM
nothing but acceptance can help someone get over grief. keeping oneself busy is just a temporary solution. its just a distraction. time might be a better healer. . .

hii
thanks for the wonderful suggestions you have given me!

i'm glad u took time out to give advice to a new blogger like me.
really appreciate it.
thank you

lakshmi.

" i enjoy reading your blog. it reflects the amount of time and effort you put into it"
irtizaJune 4, 2009 at 9:34 PM
@lakshmi, it's my pleasure.

when i was a newbee (i still am), i received great support and tips from many bloggers (now friends), which helped me to develop my blogs. and it is my duty to share whatever knowledge i have with new bloggers.

peace
MelindaJune 5, 2009 at 5:43 AM
Hi Irtiza--I really think people should do both. First, it is important to stay busy, to keep living your life because if you don't, you can dwell on the painful incident in an unhealthy way that can be obsessive. And that's not good.

However, at the same time, I think people should take the time they need (while busy) to face what happened and think logically through the experience. But people should do this when they are ready to--and immediately after a trauma is often too soon.

One thing that can help is to have someone that you can talk to--whether it is a therapist, or a very good friend, spiritual advisor--or even a support group--anyone that you can open up with. It's important to not keep things hidden deeply inside where they fester away. It's important to share what you are feeling with another person.

Take care,

Melinda
irtizaJune 5, 2009 at 7:42 AM
@Melinda, that's a very good point. Sharing plays a great role while recovering from a trauma.

thanks for sharing your views.
Postcard MailingJune 5, 2009 at 11:58 AM
This post reminded me of what my mom told me last night. Even if we try to hide the pain, it remains in our subconscious. After keeping yourself busy, it would still come out in the open. There's no escaping from it. And I agree that the only way to get through it is to face it.

I don't know if that helps... :(
irtizaJune 5, 2009 at 11:28 PM
@PM, that helps a lot. thank you. :)
MitchJune 6, 2009 at 11:08 PM
This is a very interesting question. Your scenarios offer two different answers, though. You can't ponder over why someone has expired; just doesn't work because it's going to happen to us all one day.

You can ponder over the breakup of a relationship, but I tend to believe that almost everyone knows inside when a relationship is pretty much over, and is avoiding the reality of it all. That's one where you might want to take a little bit of time to see if the choices you made were legitimate and how you might change the next time around. Luckily, in this case, there will usually be a next time around.

I believe overall that everyone deals with these things in their own way. It's hard to say there's one right way, so however your emotions take you, go with them.

By the way, I'm not sure I'll get a message back if you respond to this, since I didn't see a place to put my email address in.
irtizaJune 16, 2009 at 4:05 PM
@Mitch, "so however your emotions take you, go with them"... this is something which i can try to follow. thanks.

"I didn't see a place to put my email address in."

sorry i didnt get it. Do you mean something like subscribing to comments?

best wishes... :D